#IChoosePuritySeries [Part Five] No Compromise Zone

Seth: Leigh-Ann, what is your “no compromise zone”?

Healthy Boundaries.

I believe that setting healthy boundaries in all relationships are crucial for protecting your heart. When I am getting to know a potential interest, I look at it in terms of body, mind and spirit. In other words, there are three “aspects” of the guy that I can get to know better.

•      BODY:

His body is not mine to get to know – it’s his future wife’s job. Someone’s ‘attractiveness’ is seen not felt.

•     SPIRIT:

His spirit has got nothing to with me; that God’s department. That’s also why I have decided not to speak to guys about God. Because my intimate relationship with God is only between God and I – and by sharing the deep and intense parts of such an intimate relationship  with guys not only makes the intimacy of my relationship with God cheap, but discussed out of context can confuse the guy and he suddenly feels “chemistry”.

• MIND:

This is the only thing I need to ‘get to know’ about a guy until marriage. What he likes and dislikes; his hobbies; his love language; personality, etc. because ultimately that’s who I am going to marry and have to live with every day for the rest of our lives together.

Here is an analogy of why this perspective works:

When you have to decide on whether you are going to commit to this potential relationship, you subconsciously look at the statistics first – what are the chances that this might/might not work.

These chances are based on these three categories in a combined manner. See it as writing a quick test out of 30marks where getting 24/30 (80%) determines that committing is worth the risk.

Note: this is for when you're only friends that are considering to go into a relationship.  This analogy doesn't apply to marriage or strong, serious relationships, as then the balance of the three parts are becoming increasingly important.

Section A of the test (Body) you rate the person for example a 10/10 because she/he is just so very hot and irresistible. 

Section B (Spirit) you rate the person 12/10 because every time you have conversations about God he/she lights up and inspires you in your relationship with God, and when you speak about deep things you feel so safe with him/her and they “just get you”… you feel “chemistry”.

Section C (Mind) is where the problem lies… You know that he likes cricket and that she likes chocolates. So you rate it 2/10 in this section.

So it adds up to 24/30 which is all you need to take the risk. But you don’t realize that the grand total doesn’t take into account that you don’t know the person you’re committing to.

And that ladies and gentlemen, is why most relationships don’t work out.

Moral of the story:

·    Aim to become best friends first. By then you should know each other well without the physical or too deep parts. That's a pretty good foundation.   

·       You can’t base your decision on committing to someone on their body/ spirituality – these changes. Constantly.  Spiritually the person needs to actively pursue their relationship with God. If they are, then their relationship will continue to grow but independantly from you. The person's personality and other 'mind' aspects ultimately stays the same and mostly grows in maturity. Chances are if they are allergic to nuts now they’ll be allergic to nuts their whole lives. And this is something you should know about… You don’t want to be responsible for the hospitalization of the one you so deeply love just because you cared mostly about their ‘ass’ets…(see what I did there)

[This concludes the #IChoosePuritySeries. Feel free to comment and discuss. Agree with me or disagree –either way we all continue to learn. So let’s fellowship!]

#IChoosePurity [Part Two]: your past and future relationships

In this post we look at purity and love relationships and why the least we could do now is to begin being pure for our current or future spouse.

So you’ve slept with someone before? Or you've compromised sexually? Or you haven’t done anything physically but you've fantasized or engaged in pornography? Which means you’re still technically pure, right?

Let’s look at why being “technically” pure isn't a real thing…

 “She does him (her husband) good, all the days of her life.” Prov31:12. 

Not beginning the day she marries him or falls in love with him or meets him; ALL the days. So even at this very moment one should be faithful to your current or future spouse…

Just think about it. If you have compromised and are still “technically” pure you still sit with feelings of guilt or shame. Don’t agree with me? Well, would you tell someone you have just met exactly how far you and your partner have gone? Didn’t think so. You are most probably suppressing those feelings of shame and guilt or justifying what you’ve done by hiding behind “I haven’t had sex yet, so I am still a virgin.”

Purity doesn’t work like that. As said in Part One, purity is about more than just the physical – it’s a matter of the heart. And shame and guilt are chains that the enemy has around your heart and he is slowly but surely suffocating your inner beauty and freedom by convincing you that you are condemned, unworthy of being called clean, and undeserving of forgiveness and a godly relationship.

You might not even be aware of these feelings yet, but they will, and most probably are, surface in your relationship with your partner and even your relationship with yourself.

So it comes down to being faithful to your future spouse before you even meet them. Don’t compromise; don’t expose yourself to things that could trigger thoughts about lust or addictions to it. These examples may not seem very harmful, but that’s exactly what the enemy does – he comes quietly and plants little seeds in your minds about minor things, and then, with enough exposure to these toxic things, these seeds grow and grow until it shows its roots in your life… And the funny thing is that the enemy even convinces you that it’s your fault – that he had nothing to do with it – and YOU sit with the guilt (I hate what I’ve done) and shame (I hate me)… Thus, prevention is better than cure they say: don’t compromise; don’t expose yourself to things that could trigger thoughts about lust or addictions to it.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is insecure to a point where you have to try and convince them every day of their beauty and worth? Someone who hates themselves behind the mask they wear? Someone who has anger and bitterness in them about what they have done and is constantly taking it out on you or others?

I guess not. Then if you don’t want someone like that, then surely you shouldn’t be like that either… Cause your spouse wouldn’t want someone like that either…unless you decide NOW to be pure. And yes, it is possible – regardless of your past. That is a fact. Be the person you want to meet.

In Part Three we will look at how YOU can be PURE.