#IChoosePuritySeries [Part Five] No Compromise Zone

Seth: Leigh-Ann, what is your “no compromise zone”?

Healthy Boundaries.

I believe that setting healthy boundaries in all relationships are crucial for protecting your heart. When I am getting to know a potential interest, I look at it in terms of body, mind and spirit. In other words, there are three “aspects” of the guy that I can get to know better.

•      BODY:

His body is not mine to get to know – it’s his future wife’s job. Someone’s ‘attractiveness’ is seen not felt.

•     SPIRIT:

His spirit has got nothing to with me; that God’s department. That’s also why I have decided not to speak to guys about God. Because my intimate relationship with God is only between God and I – and by sharing the deep and intense parts of such an intimate relationship  with guys not only makes the intimacy of my relationship with God cheap, but discussed out of context can confuse the guy and he suddenly feels “chemistry”.

• MIND:

This is the only thing I need to ‘get to know’ about a guy until marriage. What he likes and dislikes; his hobbies; his love language; personality, etc. because ultimately that’s who I am going to marry and have to live with every day for the rest of our lives together.

Here is an analogy of why this perspective works:

When you have to decide on whether you are going to commit to this potential relationship, you subconsciously look at the statistics first – what are the chances that this might/might not work.

These chances are based on these three categories in a combined manner. See it as writing a quick test out of 30marks where getting 24/30 (80%) determines that committing is worth the risk.

Note: this is for when you're only friends that are considering to go into a relationship.  This analogy doesn't apply to marriage or strong, serious relationships, as then the balance of the three parts are becoming increasingly important.

Section A of the test (Body) you rate the person for example a 10/10 because she/he is just so very hot and irresistible. 

Section B (Spirit) you rate the person 12/10 because every time you have conversations about God he/she lights up and inspires you in your relationship with God, and when you speak about deep things you feel so safe with him/her and they “just get you”… you feel “chemistry”.

Section C (Mind) is where the problem lies… You know that he likes cricket and that she likes chocolates. So you rate it 2/10 in this section.

So it adds up to 24/30 which is all you need to take the risk. But you don’t realize that the grand total doesn’t take into account that you don’t know the person you’re committing to.

And that ladies and gentlemen, is why most relationships don’t work out.

Moral of the story:

·    Aim to become best friends first. By then you should know each other well without the physical or too deep parts. That's a pretty good foundation.   

·       You can’t base your decision on committing to someone on their body/ spirituality – these changes. Constantly.  Spiritually the person needs to actively pursue their relationship with God. If they are, then their relationship will continue to grow but independantly from you. The person's personality and other 'mind' aspects ultimately stays the same and mostly grows in maturity. Chances are if they are allergic to nuts now they’ll be allergic to nuts their whole lives. And this is something you should know about… You don’t want to be responsible for the hospitalization of the one you so deeply love just because you cared mostly about their ‘ass’ets…(see what I did there)

[This concludes the #IChoosePuritySeries. Feel free to comment and discuss. Agree with me or disagree –either way we all continue to learn. So let’s fellowship!]

#IChoosePurity [Part Four]: Purity as a LIFESTYLE

Purity isn't something you become and once you have it you have it. Its not something you can gain nor lose – it’s a DAILY DECISION you need to make. It means to be RENEWED daily – in your minds, our emotions, our actions, etc.

So you’re probably thinking: “If it’s that simple then why don’t we see ourselves as pure, etc?”

The enemy is constantly trying to DISTRACT us from the purity Jesus bought for us by washing us clean with His blood. The enemy uses Shame (I hate me) and Guilt (I hate what I’ve done) to distract us from God’s voice. (I love you, Let me restore you).

Ok, so now that we know that God wants to help us live a pure lifestyle, what do we need to do claim it?

There are no steps or rules to grace. Then it won’t be grace. We have been washed clean by grace. We are washed clean every single day. This is an inside out process. We have to allow ourselves daily to take what He has already given us – which is purity.

“With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live no longer as the Gentiles do, for they are hopelessly confused. Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against Him. (the battle starts in our minds and plants its roots in our hearts)

They have no sense of shame. They live for lustful pleasure and eagerly practice every kind of impurity. (Denying inner feelings of shame and continuing to live an impure lifestyle)

But that isn’t what you learned about Christ. Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth (what the Bible says – in other words, what you are reading now) that comes from Him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.

Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy.” Eph4:17-24.

EMBRACE YOUR GRACE GIVEN PURITY.

It is yours. You are like Him. No matter what the enemy is trying to convince you of in your mind. You are worthy of being pure. You are worthy of His grace. You are worthy of being pure and righteous in the presence of God.

YOU ARE PURE. LIVE LIKE IT.

And remember, you WILL makes mistakes again along the way, and the enemy will try to distract you from your Godly Identity and authority over impure thoughts and action… but it will only become a stain on your white cloth (your now snow white heart) if YOU believe it belongs there – because GOD doesn’t. 

I still make ‘impure’ decisions… often. But the secret is to not allow those choices to define you. No matter what:

 YOU ARE PURE. LIVE LIKE IT.

In the conclusion of the #IChoosePurity series, we will answer the big question: How far is too far? I bet you will never expect the answer…

#IChoosePurity [Part Three]: How God made me pure

“Ok, so we have all done things that make us ‘impure’. What now?”

Every choice you make has consequences. Little rebound here, little fling there, little date with the guy you know you will never date, but hey, he makes you feel beautiful – and besides, what harm could these things do right?

Well, here is what God has shown me through my journey about purity:

I have had relationships before but I’ve never slept with anyone before. So I’ve always considered myself as pure. However, I have compromised – in all areas of the heart. And what I did was I suppressed all of it. Telling myself I don’t have to feel guilty or ashamed because I was justifying being reckless with my heart by saying “I’ve never done the ‘deed’, so I have nothing to feel bad about.” (Yes, I didn’t even want to say the ‘S’ word).

Then one day the pot’s lid couldn’t contain what I tried to deny, and all those memories of things I’ve done and felt and thought caught up with me and the pot boiled over. I was on my knees sobbing in front of God saying out loud to Him: “God, I am so ashamed of what I’ve have done with this guy and that guy!” And I went through the list of every big and little thing that I have done that I wasn’t proud of…until there was nothing left.

As I was sitting there, so extremely vulnerable before Him on my bedroom floor, He gave me an image of a little spotless white cloth (your heart) that we each get at birth. Then through life we tell lies, think about lustful things, compromise in relationships, judge ourselves, judge others, etc. And each of these things results in stains on our cloths: some bigger and more permanent than others. Then we try to wash these clean with Jik and Omo and soap by going to therapy, or to indulge in self-help books, etc.

But as I was sitting at His feet with my face in my hands with shame, He showed me that by laying each little (and big) thing I have done that made me feel guilty and ashamed down before Him,  I gave Him the opportunity to take my hands in His, lifting my chin up to look at His beautiful face, and to lead me to sit on His lap like a little child – I gave Him the opportunity to erase each stain – bit by bit – until it was completely spotless.

Then, when my cloth was finally spotless, He took it and put it in His heart, replacing my heart (my cloth) with His. Now His heart was beating in my chest; His blood was flowing through my veins; His breath through my lungs. I am clean. I am white as snow. The enemy and my past have no more hold on me or my heart. I am free of guilt. I am free of shame. I AM PURE.

And since that I have been more careful and responsible with what I expose myself to and what I allow in my life. I want to be clean and free for my husband, because that is who I believe he deserves. So living purely is the least I can do for him.

IT COMES DOWN TO LOVING YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE THROUGH THE WAY YOU LIVE.

Part Four looks at Purity as a Lifestyle.

#IChoosePurity [Part Two]: your past and future relationships

In this post we look at purity and love relationships and why the least we could do now is to begin being pure for our current or future spouse.

So you’ve slept with someone before? Or you've compromised sexually? Or you haven’t done anything physically but you've fantasized or engaged in pornography? Which means you’re still technically pure, right?

Let’s look at why being “technically” pure isn't a real thing…

 “She does him (her husband) good, all the days of her life.” Prov31:12. 

Not beginning the day she marries him or falls in love with him or meets him; ALL the days. So even at this very moment one should be faithful to your current or future spouse…

Just think about it. If you have compromised and are still “technically” pure you still sit with feelings of guilt or shame. Don’t agree with me? Well, would you tell someone you have just met exactly how far you and your partner have gone? Didn’t think so. You are most probably suppressing those feelings of shame and guilt or justifying what you’ve done by hiding behind “I haven’t had sex yet, so I am still a virgin.”

Purity doesn’t work like that. As said in Part One, purity is about more than just the physical – it’s a matter of the heart. And shame and guilt are chains that the enemy has around your heart and he is slowly but surely suffocating your inner beauty and freedom by convincing you that you are condemned, unworthy of being called clean, and undeserving of forgiveness and a godly relationship.

You might not even be aware of these feelings yet, but they will, and most probably are, surface in your relationship with your partner and even your relationship with yourself.

So it comes down to being faithful to your future spouse before you even meet them. Don’t compromise; don’t expose yourself to things that could trigger thoughts about lust or addictions to it. These examples may not seem very harmful, but that’s exactly what the enemy does – he comes quietly and plants little seeds in your minds about minor things, and then, with enough exposure to these toxic things, these seeds grow and grow until it shows its roots in your life… And the funny thing is that the enemy even convinces you that it’s your fault – that he had nothing to do with it – and YOU sit with the guilt (I hate what I’ve done) and shame (I hate me)… Thus, prevention is better than cure they say: don’t compromise; don’t expose yourself to things that could trigger thoughts about lust or addictions to it.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is insecure to a point where you have to try and convince them every day of their beauty and worth? Someone who hates themselves behind the mask they wear? Someone who has anger and bitterness in them about what they have done and is constantly taking it out on you or others?

I guess not. Then if you don’t want someone like that, then surely you shouldn’t be like that either… Cause your spouse wouldn’t want someone like that either…unless you decide NOW to be pure. And yes, it is possible – regardless of your past. That is a fact. Be the person you want to meet.

In Part Three we will look at how YOU can be PURE.

#IChoosePurity Series [Part One]: What is Purity?

So, the other day I sat next to a stranger on the train and made some conversation with her in stead of putting in my earphones and zoning into my own little personal world. We ended up having a two hour convo about God. When the train had stopped, she asked my number and I thought she wanted to meet again for coffee or something - boy was I wrong... a few days later I received a phone call from her saying that she works at a radio station (Impact Radio 103fm) and that our conversation had inspired her to invite me into studio to talk about our conversation some more! So, a week later, I went on air and had spoken to approximately 45,000 people about our God.

She sent me some questions before hand so that I can think about them and pray about what God wants the people to hear. The talk was about #IChoosePurity and the response was amazing! Here's an idea of the conversation on the train combined with my prep for the talk show. I have made this radical view about what Purity really is into a blog series. This post is Part One and serves as an introduction. 


Note: This series about Purity will have some hard truths, but there's hope for ALL in this message... And no, this is not an attempt to discuss how horrible sex before marriage is or how awful you are if you have compromised... Purity is more than the physical... And the purpose of this series is to show  you that 
                          YOU ARE  PURE. 

Seth: Leigh-Ann, what do you think Purity is?

LA: Purity is more than just the physical - even more than just technical purity.

"Whoever loves a pure heart and gracious speech will have the King as a friend."Prov 22:11

Thus, purity is a matter of the heart. "Guard your heart for all else flows from it"Prov 4:23

“All else” refers to body, emotions, thoughts and actions. 

Thus, everything you do, say, think, feel, etc. comes from the heart. And if you are thinking and doing things that are not 'life giving' or coming from a place of love and goodness, then you have some matters of the heart to attend to my friend... we all do. 

Are you constantly exposing yourself to sexual images that are planting lustful seeds in your thoughts (and thus heart)? Are you thinking vengeful or condemning thoughts about other people? Are you constantly breaking yourself down? Are you feeling guilty (I hate what I've done) or shame (I hate me)? 

If you have said yes to any of these (which we all have), then this series of what Purity really is will definitely inspire you and help you get to place were you live with a pure heart  - regardless of what you have done in your life - mentally, emotionally and physically. Yes, even physically.